The Day Of Irrational Anger

Couldn't sleep... again. Finally caught a day nap and woke up in time to catch lunch. I put out a can of tuna, a handful of cucumber and 4 mushrooms and 4 radishes and ate about half. I had no lettuce or tomatoes left in the whole house :/. I didn't put any salt on it because I'm trying not to bloat any more before shopping tomorrow. Each day I look fatter even though I'm losing weight. Eurgh. I could only stomach half of it before I let my dog eat the rest of the tuna and threw out the leftover vegetables. It tasted of nothing, was gritty in texture and I could hardly be bothered to chew it I was so disinterested in eating. I ate because it's in my 'plan'. I fought with Simon and flew off the handle over not very much at all. Went shopping to buy noodles for dinner and hair dye and came back to find my mother had used up all the other ingredients while I was gone. Off the handle again and calming down in bed. Cooked the food after Simon went back to the shop to rebuy the ingredients.
Sam called me and said she's feeling too bloated and has not lost enough weight to want to go shopping tomorrow (in celebration of finally getting paid). Thank fuck. Not that I didn't want to go. I really did, but I have felt so angry all day that I am dying for a b/p. Ate the teriyaki stir fry and then four cookies and a finger of a Drifter chocolate bar. Some diet lemonade and we have a purge. Lovely :/
I looked through my "handy jotter" in which I had to write my food for the week day by day. I've vomited 4 out of 7 days. Oh dear. 4 out of 8 if you count the day I got it but didn't write in. I really don't want to see the look on Sue's face tomorrow when I show her my 'progess'. I suppose it is a long way to come in one week from vomiting daily to once every other day. I have tried. Hard. I hope she can see that. I'm so disappointed in myself. I really thought I would do better. I'm going to show Sue the '7lbs in 7 days' diet and see what she thinks. Probably won't approve. I can try. Bollocks.
I have another stone at least to lose and I want it gone now. At UK size 8-10 and 9 st 6 and 5"4, I'm not overweight but I look it whenever I look in the mirror/window/patio door. I'm on the reasonably thin side of normal. I'm not sick thin but there are hints of rib and hip bone and spine and chest bones. I'm not sure why it's still not enough.